We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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