Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have fence marks all over my body
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
