well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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