Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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