Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
