Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
