i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
