He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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