Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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