Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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