If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
