Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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