Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm too high and old for this...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
