I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
