ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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