I have demons in me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
