I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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