glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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