THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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