the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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