One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
