So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
