i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
