I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
