If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
