he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
