When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
