he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
