Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
