Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
