I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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