dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
