i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
