If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
