Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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