Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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