I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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