I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
