Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
