Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
