marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
