Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So squirting runs in the family.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
