Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
