i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
