i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
