peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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