I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
