Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
