And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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