After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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