your room smells of hookers.
And success
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
