Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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