next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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